Go To Sleep!
by LunaRS
Summary: This may be the hardest thing Nick Fury has ever done. How will he survive? What will be the outcome of this terrible ordeal? Fury has to *gasp* read a bedtime story! Rated M for strong language! Crack!Fic and Kid!Avengers Please R&R!


**Disclaimer: I don't own "Go the F-k To Sleep" or anything having to do with the Avengers. If you don't know what "Go the F-k To Sleep" is, look it up on youtube.**

"Lay yo' ass down!" Nick Fury shouted at a very energetic Tony Stark, who was approximately three feet and seven inches tall. Tony widened his eyes at the eye-patched man and gasped.

"_He said the 'A' word!" _Tony whispered to an equally little Dr. Bruce Banner whose mouth then gaped at what he had been told. Fury rolled his eyes and cursed vehemently in his head.

Loki had cast a spell onto the Avengers, turning them all into little 4-6 year olds; each one of the Avengers had, however, retained their developed personalities, yet not all of their memories.

"I don't think you should swear, Mr. Fury," a small voice chimed. Fury looked down to see a six-year-old Steve Rogers looking up at him with big blue eyes.

"...Sorry, Steve. Just-Clint get the fuck down from there!" Nick looked up to see Clint Barton who had somehow climbed up the door and was now balancing himself on the top.

Clint glared at Nick, and Tony and Bruce giggled incessantly, whispering, _"he said the 'F' word! He said the 'F' word!"_

Nick fury inhaled deeply and heaved a heavy sigh. How was he supposed to deal with this? How could he have lost that dare with Agent Hill and why'd she have to be so smug about it? Why was life so freaking unfair?

The lights turned off, then on, and repeated a couple thousand times in that fashion as Thor reached up to the light-switch and flickered the lights, looking up at the ceiling in awe of the little plastic glow-in-the-dark stars that were speckled about. It was all Fury could do to keep himself from smacking the child.

"Look, brother Loki," Thor started as Fury stalked up to him. "The ceiling likens the night sky when I use this switch to dim the lights!" Fury flicked Thor's hand and the little Norse god gasped in surprise and withdrew his hand from the lightswitch.

Loki laughed at the teary-eyed Thor-though it was Loki that had cast the spell in the first place, something had gone wrong and it ended up backfiring, turning Loki into a child as well.

"Get in bed," Fury ordered, nudging him off towards one of the bunkbeds. Loki scampered off towards Natasha, who was looking up at Clint in confused admiration. He yanked on a lock of her red hair and ran away, giggling maniacally. "OW!" Natasha whipped around, tears filling her eyes, her hands in fists.

"Loki!" Clint leapt gallantly from the top of the door and onto Loki, who grunted under the sudden weight.

"Don' pull Tasha's hair no more!" he shouted, slapping and kicking at the Asgardian Prince. Loki cried out in protest and began to kick and smack the little archer in return.

"Loki, Clint, and Natasha! Get yo' asses into bed!" Fury had had _enough_.

The fighting stopped and the crying was reduced to sniffling quietly as all the little Avengers climbed into their beds swiftly and stared at Nick Fury once they were settled. Fury gave them all a stern look and began to leave the room before Steve called out in his little voice, "c-can I have a goodnight kiss?"

Fury rolled his eyes and stiffened. He gingerly looked at Steve to see his big round pleading eyes looking up at him from the bed below Thor's. There was no way he was going to say no to that face; besides, Steve had been the only child that listened to him at all…

"Fine," he muttered, walking over to kiss his forehead.

"Thanks, Mister Fury," Steve grinned.

"I would like one of these 'goodnight kisses' as well," Thor commented. Nick cringed inwardly but did the same for the little god.

"You remind me of my father." Thor said.

"Thor, how in Hell do I look like your father?" Nick Fury asked. Thor smiled thoughtfully then pointed at Fury's eyepatch.

"You've both only one eye," he explained. "Goodnight, Thor," Fury said curtly.

"I need a goodnight kiss too!" a couple of the other children cried out in protest. Nick Fury kissed every child's forehead, except for Loki's, who said: "_I_ don't need one", to which Fury replied: "Thank God."

"Bedtime story! Bedtime story!" Tony chanted loudly, Bruce joining in jovially, refusing to let Fury leave the room.

"You guys promise to go to sleep if I tell you a story?" Fury asked, almost reproachfully.

A chorus of "yeah", "yes", and one "maybe" erupted from the little Avengers. Nick Fury sighed and pulled a chair to the middle of the room and sat down.

"Once upon a time, the Avengers got turned into little snot-nosed kids. Then Nick Fury told them to go to sleep and they did. The end." He stood.

"Doesn't count! Doesn't count!" Tony and Bruce and Clint all chanted in unison.

"Tell us a looooong story," Natasha added.

"Yes! Let there be beasts in it as well!" Thor chimed in.

"Yeah!" Steve said, looking excited.

"And what if I don't?" Fury asked.

"Then...Bruce will get mad!" Tony thought quickly.

"Yeah! Don' make me angwy!" Bruce called out his threat. "Fine," Fury muttered, grabbing a book and sitting down again. He opened the book and prayed that it would be short and they'd fall asleep soon.

"_The cats nestle close to their kittens now._

_The lambs have laid down with the sheep._

_You're cozy and warm in your bed, my dears._

_Please go the fuck to sleep." _Nick started, adding his own tired words to the story.

Steve looked appalled that he had used the "F" word in his story and was too shocked to object; his ears were ringing. Tony giggled and Bruce covered his mouth in surprise. Loki chuckled and Natasha didn't seem to care. Clint, evidently, wasn't paying attention.

"_The windows are dark in the town, child._

_The whales huddle down in the deep._

_I'll read you one very last book if you swear_

_You'll go the fuck to sleep." _

Nick Fury thought he was pretty good at this improvising thing; damn, this book was so sappy he was convinced it would turn his brain to mush if he read it normally.

"_The eagles who soar through the sky are at rest_

_And the creatures who crawl, run, and creep." _

"I want a drink of water," Tony said, sitting up in bed and attempting to climb down the ladder of the bunk-bed.

"_I know you're not thirsty. That's bullshit. Stop lying._

_Lie the fuck down," _Fury tried to remember to soften his tone, to not be so harsh; they couldn't help being children, it wasn't _their_ fault.

"_My darling, and sleep." _he continued through gritted teeth.

Tony whined but laid back down in bed, sticking out his bottom lip in a pout and crossing his arms.

"_The wind whispers soft through the grass, hon._

_The field mice, they make not a peep._

_It's been thirty-eight minutes already." _

"Loki, don' pull mah hair!" Natasha squealed angrily.

"Ahahahahaha!" Loki laughed in the bed next to Natasha's.

"Loki!" Clint yelled, pulling up his toy bow and plunger-like arrows. He shot one and it smacked Loki dead in the forehead.

"How dare you?!" Loki shouted.

"_Jesus Christ, what the fuck? Go to sleep!" _Fury yelled over them. They quieted down and Nick cleared his throat to continue.

"_All the kids from daycare are in dreamland._

_The froggie has made his last leap." _

"Can I go to da baffwoom?" Bruce asked in that tiny little voice of his; Nick Fury knew that he'd gone approximately 14 times in the last 38 minutes.

"_Hell no, you can't go to the bathroom!_

_You know where you can go? The fuck to sleep!" _He rose his voice a bit louder in his exasperation. Bruce looked a bit shaken and didn't move from his bed.

"_The owls fly forth from the treetops._

_Through the air, they soar and they sweep._

_A hot crimson rage fills my heart, love._

_For real, shut the fuck up and sleep._

_The cubs and the lions are snoring,_

_Wrapped in a big snuggly heap." _Tony began to whisper with Bruce again, calling the other Avengers names. Steve interrupted them, telling them it wasn't nice to call people names.

"_How is it you can do all this other great shit_

_But you can't lie the fuck down and sleep?" _Fury asked, so tired of these little humans-well, at least most of them were human.

"_The seeds slumber beneath the earth now_

_And the crops that the farmers will reap._

_No more questions. This interview's over._

_I've got two words for you, kid: fucking sleep._

_The tiger reclines in the simmering jungle._

_The sparrow has silenced her cheep._

_Fuck your stuffed bear, I'm not getting you shit._

_Close your eyes. Cut the crap. Sleep._

_The flowers doze low in the meadows_

_And high on the mountains so steep._

_My life is a failure, I'm a shitty-ass parent._

_Stop fucking with me, please, and sleep._

_The giant pangolins of Madagascar are snoozing._

_As I lie here and openly weep." _

Fury tried to ignore them as they refused to settle down at all.

"I'm thirrrrstyyyyyyyyy…" Tony whined.

"_Sure, fine, whatever, I'll bring you some milk._

_Who the fuck cares? You're not gonna sleep." _

He gave in. He walked off to get them all sippie-cups of milk and then opened the book to return to his place in the mind-numbing story.

"_This room is all I can remember._

_The furniture crappy and cheap._

_You win. You escape. You run down the hall._

_As I nod the fuck off, and sleep._

_Bleary and dazed I awaken_

_To find your eyes shut, so I keep_

_My fingers crossed tight as I tiptoe away_

_And pray that you're fucking asleep." _

He whispered the last part, tiptoeing out of the room when he saw that the mini Avengers were all nodding off and peacefully calm.

"Finally," Nick Fury said, slumping onto the couch next to Agent Hill.

"_That_ went well," she commented, turning on the Television; even though she'd won the bet, she promised him that they'd watch a movie and eat some popcorn as well, so he didn't suffer _too_ much.

"Did I ask for your opinion?" he asked, glaring at her.

"No, sir," she said, trying to hide a smile as she looked through the possible movies to watch. Fury got up and threw a bag of popcorn in the microwave of Tony Stark's kitchen; it wasn't like he was going to be angry about all this-not until later, that is.

"_We're finally watching our movie._

_Popcorn's in the microwave." _The microwave beeped louder than Nick would have liked.

He stiffened when he heard a small but adamant "popcorn?" emerge from the childrens' room.

"_Oh shit. Goddamn it! You've gotta be kidding!" _he exclaimed, stalking angrily back into the bedroom to see Tony arguing with Steve about whether or not he should be awake, Natasha yelling at Loki when he made an attempt to throw the arrow that Clint had shot at him at Natasha, and Clint shouting at Loki to give him his arrow back. Nick was furious and trembled with his anger, not quite sure what he should do.

"_Come on, go the fuck back to sleep!" _Fury hollered.

Then Bruce began to stir. "Stop yewwing!" he yelled, looking very mad. Everyone stopped and looked at him. Sure enough, Bruce's skin began to change into a light then dark green and he growled angrily as the beast within him-more like little green midget-emerged and began thrashing about.

"Fuck!"


End file.
